Happy, happy birthday to you

Wish you had a great birthday today..

Really.. I can only wish you all the happiness in the world.

This date.. every year, brings a twinge to my heart. I have so many unspoken words to say to you..

So many, so many..

But it's all in my head.. I can't bring myself to write it down...

This year, however.. is a little special..

It's the 10th anniversary of us spending your birthday together.. for the last time.

It's almost the 10th anniversary of me leaving home... and of you.. leaving me.

10th anniversary.. deserves something a little more special.. don't you think?

It was 2006.

It's 2016 now.

Ten years. Can't believe it.

Just like that. Gone.

In my soul, my spirit.. time stopped for me in 2006.

Part of me died.. in 2006..
I never came back.. My heart is still in 2006.

And no one knows.

Everyone close to me thinks that I got over you, moved on.

I put up a front.. no one knows.

I can't tell anyone.. male friends tell me.. be a man.. move on.. don't be weak..
Female friends can't believe one man can be that.. in love.

And that was 10 years ago.

How can anyone believe this now?

So.. no one knows.


Long time ago, I said to you.. 'After you, I could never love another..'

And I haven't. It wasn't a promise.. it was just.. me.

I knew I could never love someone else then.. And I haven't.

I wish I could see you once more..
See you smiling.. laughing.. one more time..

And tell you sorry, for my hubris, my arrogance.. my temperament.

Maybe it's been much better for you since then..
These 10 years without me..
I wouldn't know..

But I really do hope, and pray.. that you are having a wonderful happy life now.



I avoid writing, because it's painful..

Sometimes, it's overwhelmingly so..
Sometimes, I find a beautiful song for the soul..
Yet nothing soothes the pain.

But I hope.. you could see all this someday..

I don't want to die, and have you.. not knowing..
That someone out there.. hasn't stopped thinking of you..
Hasn't stopped... loving you.

Attached this clip for you..
And if you are the movie buff I know you are..
You would have seen it before.

This one scene, in the entire 8 movie series, made me go..

'Ouch.. Dear Professor Snape, I know that feel bro.'

Felt it right in the heart.

I am waiting for someone to ask me.. 'After all this time?'

And I will reply... 'Always..'


Wishing you all the happiness in the world..